Satire: United Nations appoints Shahid Afridi as the new Secretary General

In a stunning revelation today from the United Nations headquarters in New York, former Pakistan allrounder Shahid Afridi has been appointed as the new Secretary-General of the UN with immediate effect. Afridi replaces former Secretary General Ban Ki Moon in the Intergovernmental organization which promotes international cooperation.

The United Nations council was deeply impressed by the constant efforts put out by the ageless cricketer to restore normalcy between arch rivals India and Pakistan.

In the past few days, Afridi has been relentlessly trying to make both countries accept peace over war through his twitter account, which he normally uses to announce and de-announce his frequent retirement news.

“When 2 neighbours fight both homes are affected.”

Ever since making this statement, there have been a lot of cries to replace Ban Ki-Moon with Afridi for the sake of world peace. The hashtag ‘Peace Angel Afridi’ was trending on twitter world over.

Consequently, the UN had to bow under immense public pressure and was forced to remove the sitting GS and arrange for a swearing-in ceremony for Afridi. Ban Ki Moon wasn’t disappointed at all and morally resigned due to his inability to cope with the Indo-Pak tensions and believed there could be no better replacement.

The threat of a nuclear war between India and Pakistan has left the whole world concerned and so is our new Secretary General. Apparently, two of his former teammates Saeed Ajmal and Ahmed Shehzad have also been put in his special peace-making team. While Ajmal was made the spokesperson for the newly appointed Secretary General due to his sharp spoken skills (“I made Sachin Tendulkar retire’ – the most widely used quote in Pakistan universities was made by Ajmal”), Ahmed Shehzad’s vital collection of selfies taken at different places in the world including India and Pakistan could be used for analysis purpose.

“New Secretary-General Shahid Afridi is deeply concerned over the significant increase in tensions between India and Pakistan in the wake of the recent developments, in particular the reported cease-fire violations along the Line of Control (LoC) following an attack on an Indian Army base in Uri on September 18,” a statement issued by Afridi’s spokesperson Ajmal stated yesterday.

Afridi, who is currently in Karachi preparing to leave for the United States for the official coronation ceremony, has already devised a couple of plans. He feels that making both nations play cricket together will reduce tension. Also, it is said that he is carrying a ‘dove’ as the messenger of peace.

Reportedly, Afridi adopted the dove when he was a kid while playing cricket in the Tirah valley and has been specially nurturing and training it for peace purpose knowing that the ultimate day of conflict between both the arch-rivals will arrive. (Don’t come asking like a bigot about the Dove’s life span. We know that the normal age span of a dove is only around 1.5 years but since it grew up with Afridi and drank water from the same well of eternity in which Afridi took bath since he was a kid, the bird has achieved immortality just like Afridi’s international career).

Meanwhile, a section of Indians and Pakistanis feel that the decision taken by UN is potentially a wrong one. But, logically speaking Afridi is a neutral candidate here given his habit of jumping from one statement to other.

Disclaimer: It is a satire post and all the characters, story, content is work of fiction and meant for entertainment purpose only.