The antidote Sushant Singh Rajput was- A fan’s perspective

Chhatarpur in Delhi is known mostly for its mandir and the farms. Our place of living was neither religious nor luxurious, it was more of a semi-urban place, an apparatus. Then there was my room where rats could find solace. But that enclosure which didn’t witness sunlight during my one-year stay, viewed many shades of mine, maybe more than 50- me dawdling along as if I was chained.

The dreary atmosphere meant that it’s a happy hunting ground of a monster, named ‘Depression’, more of knockout punches. It didn’t surprise me that I was captive to the demon, albeit I never wanted to. It was easy for me to stop seeing the ray of hopes, the future was a blur, and I had transformed into a zombie. I could see myself, briskly sliding down towards the barrel, I felt helpless.

But then, the supreme power in the universe has its own share of surprises, sometimes pleasant- it drags you to nearly give up the ghost, and then pulls you out of the pits in a jiffy. That day I was taking a shower, getting ready for work, and YouTube playing songs on the loop.  And then- ‘Kyun Roshni Tu Bahar Talaashe, Teri Mashaale Hain Andar Tere’– it was a tug at my fragile heart-strings.

Being a lyrics reader, memorising a song was always simpler than impressing scary-looking periodic-table, consisting of eerie chemical elements, in my memories. The song’s title showed ‘Besabriyaan’, never knew it was an ointment, though brief. It had already become a go-to sweetheart, whom I cuddled tightly on my way to sleep, letting it soothe every inch of my soul, gently and gracefully.

It acted as a repellent to the demons of the mind. But the demons kept haunting me back. The ‘Mashaal’ (torchlight) inside me was flickering, I had to get it to beam, burning the monsters. To get it to happen, I resorted to a psychologist- it turned out to be a magic. Not being an ardent follower of MS Dhoni, yet a song from his biopic, turning out to be a guiding light- I chuckled at irony’s game.

The nails on the head

The wait for MS Dhoni-The Untold Story became irritatingly agonising. I was aware that if a song could rescue me out of darkness, the entire movie could do wonders. PVR, Sahara Mall in Gurgaon, seven metro stations from Chhatarpur to MG Road- September 30- I had to catch the movie before my social media feeds got flooded with reviews. Fortunately, I did. And boy! It was a joyful ride.

An aspiring journalist, who had entered into paid -freelancing only a month ago, Sushant Singh Rajput’s acting left an indelible impression on me. It was easy for me to visualize him sitting alone at the railway station, looking at trains passing by and hoping to board one of them. I could see him, return with a glum face after he missed out the Duleep Trophy due to a broken car and cruel fate.

The scenes of the commentators ducking for cover to Dhoni’s sixes downtown didn’t evade my memories either. And then the almighty stare at Yuvraj Singh (Herry Tangri) during the Cooch Behar Trophy and his reaction after Dhoni couldn’t connect a cut shot. At no point, did boredom creep in. All this while, I had forgotten that it was a young Sushant, who was acting and not Dhoni himself.

It’s 2020, and as they say ‘the only constant in life is change’- A lot has ‘changed’. In 2016, Sushant was basking in glory, now he is busy stowing the moments of his life in heaven. On Sunday, when the news broke, the question I asked myself: Why did the man, who taught us in Chicchhore that ‘suicide isn’t a solution’, possibly chose to end his life when he was giving people plenty of reasons to live.

Not that simple

Depression is like a ‘slow poison’- It causes mental erosion, an effect of which impacts us physically, mostly in our stomach. Sleep patterns go for a toss, the urge to stay isolated, the distaste for food, the worst part being not having a shoulder to rest yourself on. Fortunately, in terms of the last aspect, I was fortunate. No, it wasn’t antidepressant, it was a human being, made of blood and flesh.

As the world is screeching through the wrath of COVID-19, depression and suicidal tendencies in a “sense of isolation” can’t be ruled out, as mentioned by Dr Prakriti Poddar, a mental health expert, in an interview with Times Now. Some people are pros, masquerading in a smiling face- they bury their sorrows, not allowing others to take a peek into the chaos that’s causing major disturbances.

In India where mental health is deemed to be a taboo, something ‘embarrassing’, going to alcohol, drugs or other sources seems to be the easier route. The battle can only be won when mind illness and physical ailment will be spoken in the same breath. As for Sushant, who passed away at the age of 34, he was battling with depression for the last five to six months, his sister told the police.

The glamour of the Bollywood industry can be luring to the naked eye. But it can’t guarantee mental peace, nothing can. Even as one can assume that earning big bucks is a perk, but the pressure that comes with it may not be pleasing. And then there’s a ruthless social media, where even the tiniest of errors can make people jump on to their prey like hungry alligators within a blink of an eye.

Empathy, compassion, and determination

Mental turmoil is something that leaves no stone unturned in crippling an individual. The more one allows it to dominate, the more it entangles one. In a chock-a-block schedule of today’s life, communication is something, which holds prime importance. It needs an ear to listen, being empathetic. The flushing out of toxic elements gradually helps someone restore sanity in their lives.

Sushant has left mother earth, but he has woken many up from their slumber. The responses that poured in after his demise depicted the impact he has left in the Indian film industry. The netizens churning out songs from his movies and paying their respect towards Sushant is a delight. He might also have aspired a number of newbies to take up cricket as a profession after Kai Po Che in 2013.

Easier said than done, but life is pretty simple. One of the scenes in the 2016 film when Kali Prasad Mukherjee, who enacted the role of Dhoni’s employer in Railways, said like in cricket, life won’t be serving the same balls- All one needs to do is play them on merit and “the scoreboard will keep moving”. For me, those are more than mere words, way more powerful than depression and it remains to be.

Rest in Peace Sushant Singh Rajput.